More Brave

Because I am a mother, I am automatically a different person.  I don't know how it happens, but I know the change actually reverses when I am not around my kids.  For example:  When I am home alone, I am likely to lock myself in my bedroom because I am worried that there might be a man prowling through the house at any given time.  However, when the kids are asleep in their beds, I NEVER think about things like that.  I walk around my house in the pitch black dark without a single fear ever entering my mind.  Also, whenever I have to get blood drawn I get nervous, my heart pounds, I talk too much, I can't bear to look at the needle, and I am very close to acting like a baby.  But last week I brought my kids with me for my maternity check up and my midwife drew some blood for the glucose test.  They were right there in the room with us and when she got the needle out it was as if she had pulled out a pen to take notes with, or something equally as boring.  I really didn't care.  I watched the entire thing, and it didn't hurt, didn't bother me a bit.  She even had to fish for the vein that rolled. She might as well have been taking my temperature.  And this all happening with my kids watching.  So I suppose my kids make me a more brave, more confident person and this without any deep self analysis or applied parenting theories.  I have to be a strong foundation for them in a scary world, as so I am.  That is that.  And yet it seems a miracle.

PS We have had a great fall. 

An 'Isaac' Post

I love my little man Issac. There is just something magnetic about his personality. I have often said it is an inner sense of self confidence. He sees the world clearly and makes himself known.



In addition to being adorable, these photos also provide a quick summer review. The above photo was taken at Long Beach where we had our Young Reunion. (Yep, our claim to fame is that we are related to Brigham Young with pioneer blood in our veins).

This is Isaac's reaction to a mosquito bite on his forehead. (No this did not happen during one of Dillon's boxing lessons) It was swollen comletely shut for a while.
Isaac couldn't quite make it through dinner at the Conway/McDonald camp out one night. Fell asleep right at the table.
In fact that happened more than I would like to admit. I have always been pretty strict about my kids getting enough sleep. And here is is crashing at dinner once again. Those long summer days just take it out of you!
Our backyard is a wonderful place, but it is also a very dirty place. To be sure, bath times increased over the summer!

Looking back on this post, it seems that Issac spent the summer dirty, bitten, and tired, but I promise you, he had a great time too!

Tree Fort and other updates

I was so impressed with Eve today. I just plopped a corn on the cob down on her plate with a mental "good luck honey" and busily started eating my own corn. Hey, a pregnant woman can't be expected to go hungry, right? Eve got busy on that corn right away. There was barely a kernel left by the time she was done! This girl loves to eat, there is no question.


Now let me just say that I love our house. It is cozy and comfortable, but I wouldn't call it particularly remarkable. However, I LOVE our backyard and it is is about to get even better. Dillon has started on a tree house perched on the trunk of one of the mammoth trees we have back there. He spent all saturday on it and confessed to me that it was one of the best saturdays he has had in a long time. Who doesn't love a tree fort? And building one is even better.
Eli and Isaac are Daddy's big helper and can't wait till the platform is safe enough for them to be able to get up there and do some hammering!
And I just had to put this cute photo of Isaac in because, why not? I bought a super fancy camera from a friend yesterday (she gave me a great deal) and this is one of my first photos. Not award winning, but they can only get better from here.

And for those of you who are curious, yes I am home schooling Eli this year, as an experiment, and so far so good. We are all having a lot of fun. I am starting a blog about it, to track our progress. It will probably be private so let me know if you want to check it out and I will make sure you are allowed.

The Best Kind of News, and, An Odd Tradition

Yep, our hens are finally laying eggs. This is good news, but not the best kind of news. I've got a different kind of egg in my basket...

That's right folks, number four is on the way! Wooo-hooo! Give it up for the Eugenio's and their efforts to populate the world with adorable babies. We will be welcoming the little guy (or girl) mid-January. I am three months along and enjoying a slacking off of miserable early pregnancy woes and anticipating those first baby kicks. We are compiling our list of names for people, especially grandparents, to grimace at and, who knows, maybe this time we will go through with one of them. Maybe this will be little Zephyr or Lincoln or Atticus or.... some other name we haven't thought of yet. But if we follow our current trend we will have to use on Old Testament name that starts with a vowel. Not so easy. We may end up with a little Orpah or Obediah. Just kidding folks. But anyway...

So I thought I would post photos of each of the four times I have found out I was pregnant simply because we started the strange tradition and it's kind of interesting. I realize that not one of these photos is flattering, (perhaps that is why I did not lead with them), but real life moments rarely are, wouldn't you say?

I think these photos are interesting in a historical sense, too. Home pregnancy tests. There may be a reader or two who squirms that I am holding up a picture of what a good friend of mine lovingly refers to as a "pee stick." I'll bet our daughters will just have to breath on something, or rub a test strip on their foreheads. Who knows?

So this is 2004 when we lived in Utah. I found out I was pregnant with Eli and was ecstatic. Dillon went into a kind of shock from which he did not fully recover until after Eli was born.

This is pregnancy test number 2. As you can see, Eli is a thriving little chunky man at this point. This was on my birthday, August 18, 2006. We celebrated with Thai food take out. A great day. Both Dillon and I felt happy and ready.

Pregnancy number 3, March 2008. Surprise! We were living in our little duplex in Puyallup. I was happy, at first, then terrified because Isaac wasn't even one yet! And three, as we all know, is a lot bigger than 2 when it comes to children.

And here we are in May 2010. I had an extra test laying around from years before and just decided to take it. Why not? my period was a few minutes late. Another surprise, but this time, no terror. It immediately felt right. And it also immediately felt like the last one. (Though we reserve the right to change our minds) What a wonderful thing it is, knowing that soon our entire family will be here together. I can't wait to meet the little sweetie.

So there you have it. I am officially announcing it to the world, or to the 20 readers or so who frequent my page. Same diff!

Why I Am Considering Public School

For me, there are two ways to look at public school. One is through a historical lens, and the other is in the context of American life today.

Over the course of my research into home schooling, I have come to realize that compulsory public school is a relatively recent institution. It has existed less than 200 years. (Our church, interestingly, was organized twenty years before the first compulsory education law in 1852 in Massachusetts. Alaska was the last state to pass such a law, in 1929). Two hundred years ago, kids were learning at home, and most were learning quite well. They also learned from the community with apprenticeships and the like. Public Schools are a modern development and have become so ingrained in our culture that they are a fact of life. For us, the certainties of life include not just death and taxes, but school as well (David Guterson).

However, before public school, it was only the rich kids who were able to attend schools: expensive private schools. It is the American ideal of equal opportunity that lead to public education. Why should the rich have access to schools and thus greater opportunity for careers and advancement, the achievement of the American dream? The opportunity to become whatever you want to become. Sure education is compulsory, but it is also free. Immigrants whose kids need to learn English and American culture are guaranteed the chance!

Schools have done wonderful thing for equality. In fact, equality seems to be the main stamp upon public schools, their identity and purpose. "No Child Left Behind," right? These are wonderful, American ideas. In fact, during the civil rights movement, schools were at the front lines of the battle. Public schools have accomplished much and represent much to us, as Americans. By sending my kids to public school I would be supporting those ideals and by being an active and involved parent, I would be doing my part to improve them, and thus improve education for all of America's children. Home school looks like an undemocratic thing to do, in this context. It looks like a shrugging off of so many things struggled for. The problem is, I don't really believe that.

Public school has served an important purpose. But it has become a surprisingly inflexible machine for all its youth. Efforts to help public school change and adapt to match the pace at which modern life changes and adapts have simply failed. Our schools look pretty much the same as they did thirty years ago and yet our modern lives DO NOT. I have come to believe that home school can become an important part of American education and that public schools should evolve to include the option and support home schoolers. I think this is the logical modern path and should not be resisted. No, I do not believe that more that, say ten percent of families will ever home school, but I do think they should be a welcome and regular part of the modern education scene. Regularly visible in the public schools themselves. The problem with treating everyone the same is that we are not all the same. The other half of the American ideal, that compliments equality, is the importance of the individual.

OK, so I have argued my way out of sending my kids to school simply because it is a part of American identity, or because of historical value. Although both are important, they aren't important enough. This leaves me to think about the every day reality of school itself. Moving out of the theoretical and into the literal. And this is where I start to feel real yearning to see my kids get on the yellow bus. (Thanks to Rebecca for being honest about the sadness she felt on the first day of school when her kids didn't.)

I am going to list these thoughts in no particular order and many of them I will present simply, without elaboration.

1. I do not want to control my kids. I want them to have secrets! I want them to have private lives!

2. Over the last month, I have had many online conversations about home school and have come across many opinions and all degrees of passion. The entire spectrum from "I love home school" to "I HATE it." And this has been fun for me! I have always enjoyed the debate, the give and take of ideas. I like to hear what people have to say. As the sole teacher of my kids I will offer one opinion: mine. I see this as a tragedy. A classroom has the potential to contain thirty different perspectives and world views. I don't want them to miss out on that.

3. Teachers. These can be inspired individuals who can touch the lives of my children and open their eyes to all kids of possibilities and see in them thing sometimes a mother's love can make her miss.

4. I do not wish to shelter my kids from the world.

5. I want my kids to take part in a shared American experience. This may sound like a contradiction, since I ruled out public school's value as an American tradition way up at the top of this entry. Logically, that isn't where school gets its value, but personally, it seems sad to think of my kids never having to memorize a locker combination or stand in a lunch line. It's just something we all share, and I imagine it ties us together a bit.

So there are about five reasons. Five reasons I want to send my kids to public school. Are the big enough? Are they insurmountable? Difficulties with home school seem more easily overcome than difficulties with public school, yet this begs the question as to parental control, does it not?

Finally, I believe in God and have a personal relationship with him. I believe that he has an acute interest in our lives. I have researched and studied, discussed and pondered and will continue to do so, but feel confident that the ultimate decision will be made with divine guidance.

(One more thing, for anyone who is curious, Dillon, my husband, Homecoming King, was on the home school band wagon the first time I mentioned it! I think it is mostly because he trusts me to make the right decision and do a good job, Oh the pressure!) Oh and thanks for reading, I welcome any comments.
And a picture, because pictures make things more fun!

Why I Am Considering Homeschool

Most of my friends and family are aware that I am studying the idea of home school as an education for my children, a lifestyle for our family, and a career choice for myself. I want to post a little of my thought process so far, for those who are curious, and for those who may have some insight for me. The decision making process, of course, started with facing public school for my kindergartener this fall and a consideration of all the options. Turns out there are really three options: public, private, and home school. (Private school was pretty quickly ruled out because of cost and the number of kids we have.) That leaves public and home school as our options and I must admit, I get a little nervous thinking about either of them.

There are many many problems with public school. I could probably go on and on about them, taking from my experiences as a student and as a seventh grade teacher: Large classrooms where teachers are forced to teach to the middle, leaving some kids in the dust, and others bored. Grades that are arbitrary and mean nothing, teachers that are allowed to teach year after year, who, simply put, just shouldn’t teach, wasted time (didn’t we all feel that), the teaching of skewed values, the group think that evolves, etc. However I think that going into these reasons is unproductive. These are the reasons that I initially looked into home school. If I didn’t find something in home school of potential worth to me and my family, the case would have been closed, discussion over. But that has not been the case. I also don’t want to make public schooled families feel like they have to defend their choice. They certainly do not! My choosing home school would not be a condemnation of anyone who chooses otherwise. Who can know what is right for families but families themselves?

In truth, it was the idea of a different kind of family life that first excited me. As it is, Dillon and I keep our evening schedules as open as possible and make family time a priority. Unstructured family time. But our kids aren’t in school yet. With kids attending public school I imagine a typical school and work day unsatisfying and unsustainable for us. I expect kids to come home from school, and then head off to whatever extracurricular or church activity is planned. Cram homework in, and dinner and all that’s left is bed time. What’s wrong with that? You might ask. Nothing, but Dillon and I are unhappy with a family life that is too full of things, even good things. We don’t do well with rushing or being overscheduled, left without any time for just being together. Home school kids can get all their education and activities done with plenty of time to spare for spontaneous activities. Ideally home school will be a couple of hours a day year round. Awesome! The modern lifestyle is a rushed and harried one. I recently read a great book by Lisa Rivero called the Home School Option: How to Decide When it’s Right for Your Family. In it she said, time is a “unique benefit of homeschooling…. Time to work slowly, time to think, time to focus on a single idea rather than multi-tasking, time for self-knowledge and reflection, time to question the world and wait for the answers” (Rivero) All of these things seem wonderful to me.

The flip side of the time issue is the sacrifice I will personally have to make to teach my kids. However, I will already be spending hours a day helping kids with homework as well as reeducating them on things I rather they didn’t learn at school (hallway sex Ed, for example). I will also NOT enjoy taking all of my kids to the grocery store every time. In addition, I worry about my own goals of getting a masters and writing fiction but realized I can accomplish my goals right alongside my kids, and be a great example to them in the process. Perhaps this could even be a great stepping stone to one of my ultimate long-term goals: starting a private or charter school.

Socialization is a home school can of worms and it seems to be a thorn in the side of homeschoolers. Homeschoolers insist that critics are beating a dead horse but the stereotypes persist. (Ok I have to laugh at all the clichés, but I just can’t take them out.) Just this week I heard a teenager say, “I just met a really hot guy but he is home schooled so there is potential for some social awkwardness there, we’ll have to see how it goes.” This is just the reality of how home school kids are perceived. However, I find it hard to believe that public school really prepares kids for the world. I echo an idea in Rivero’s book when I say that the public school teaches kids to fit in and be popular. Are these really important life skills? There is a difference between learning to live in society and being socialized. I am not interested in my kids learning how to conform to the ideas of the group before they decide for themselves. Don’t we all breathe a little sigh of relief when we leave high school and realize how much room there is in society for people of all kinds? Perhaps home schoolers are a little odd! Their quirks and oddities could be indications of self directed minds (Rivero). I agree with Rivero that we should focus on accepting ourselves, not on being accepted by others and that will lay the foundation for true friendships. It seems that at public school education takes a back seat to what clothes you wear and who you talk to at recess or during breaks. But here I am talking about the ills of public school, when I said I wouldn’t! If I choose home school, I would plan for my children to be out of the house every day interacting with kids and adults of all ages. As I have researched, I have realized that homeschool does not mean never-leave-the-house school. I will teach the core knowledge at home but I would require music, sports, volunteer work, as they got older, as well as home-school co-ops and any other opportunity that came our way. Home school kids can also go to public school for band, choir, sports, and other fine arts. There are so many possibilities. Perhaps instead of home school it could be called community education (Rivero).

One of my favorite things about home school is that there are no grades, no competition and thus, no labels. I want my kids to be self directed. I would like them to study an idea for its own sake, not as a means to a standardized test (Rivero). I, myself, am pretty conditioned to work for the grade and follow instructions. It is hard for me to accomplish things without someone setting a deadline for me. I want my kids to have ownership. No us against them mentality. There will be no need to “work the system” if the are in charge of the system. Kids at home can really go at their own speed and not be judged for it. I wonder how many people hate reading as adults because they were in the slow group in first grade. I want my kids to have the confidence to be real individuals. I also want them to retain their childhood for as long as they desire. I find it an odd phenomenon that kids grow up too fast, knowing about and dealing with adult problems, and yet they remain stuck in adolescence into their twenties. I think home school can combat that.
I have thought a great deal about student directed learning and wondered how kids will learn what they need to learn without adults to show them. I have worried about kids not being exposed that passionate teacher who can light a fire if interest in something they have never thought of before. Still, those teachers are teaching what they love, students learn on a borrowed flame. What if students could learn what they wanted to learn? When I was a teacher, I taught the books and kinds of writing that I liked. My students had to conform. What if their fire came from within?

Oddly enough, I also believe that kids should have to do thing they don’t want to do. However, we can’t force kids to do anything. If we want do be successful in life, we have to be able to make ourselves do unpleasant things. I don’t want to change four dirty diapers a day but I do it. I do it because I love my kids and because I have a long term goal making sure they are happy and healthy. I think that kids will do math they don’t like in order pursue an ultimate goal of being a scientist, for example, if we carefully help them see the big picture. One on one, we can help our kids find out who they want to be and where they want to go, then guide our kids towards their goals, even through the subjects they detest. Teachers do not have this luxury. How many of us were unable to see the big picture when we were kids? We had no buy in and resisted learning subjects we saw no purpose in. “Why do I ever want to learn this if I am never going to use it?” I think home school is especially contusive to student buy in and ownership because parents can help their kids see all things as stepping stones to greater goals.

One of the reasons I hesitate to choose home school, lets be honest, is discomfort with going against the social grain. I don’t wan to be labeled and judged. Sometimes I think that choosing a natural birth with a midwife was the end of my normalcy. I wonder why home birthers are often anti-immunization, home schoolers, who eat only organic whole grains (I am kidding a little). But once you choose to question an institution as big as American hospitals and birthing practices, nothing is safe, If hospitals aren’t the always the best place to have a baby, then why would public schools always be the best place to educate them. So I take you on a bit of a tour through my thoughts. Honestly, I would choose home school right now if it weren’t for these few persistent fears. Fear of social discomfort, fear that my kids will be bored stiff, or worse, damaged somehow, fear that I won’t be able to juggle it all and be happy, fear of disappointing others. At some point I will make a decision. If I choose home school, I know that my reasons for home schooling would be different from almost any other family’s reasons. And that’s the wonderful thing about making choices for our families; we have to right to make our choices even if the only reason is that “it feels right.”

So now you have had a tour of my thought process. If you have lasted this long, thanks for joining me. I do this for myself more than any other reason, to organize my thoughts and continue towards a decision.

Crazy Moments

I was sitting with my in-laws the other day having a nice conversation about this and that when I happened to look out their window into the backyard. I laughed to myself about the general chaos that a puppy can create when set loose on the most unlikely of targets. Dillon's brother Derrick keeps his 100 pound Mastiff puppy back there. This particular puppy, Cuma, is extremely efficient in this adolescent destruction. I couldn't identify most of the things he had descended upon. Just little bits of garbage spaced evenly throughout the yard, like a carefully peppered steak. Ah, puppies. Then I realized, there he was, right in front of the window, he had another victim in his grasp. A white container of some sort? "What is that he's got?" I asked.

"Oh, just some statue," Dillon's Dad replied. I looked closer. Sure enough, Cuma had a hold of a statue of Christ. (Dillon's parents are Catholic and so you are much more likely to find statues of different saints and holy people in their home and yard then the typical Christian household.)

"Oh, that's just wrong," I said, but just sat there and watched. Pretty soon he is getting really excited. Now Cuma is a male dog. Need I say more?

"That's it," I said, getting up, "there has to be a limit." Some things just have to remain sacred. So I had a mission, rescue Christ from the loving embrace of a huge ball of pure muscle. I headed outside and quickly realized easier said than done. This particular bread of Mastiff quite dominate and I couldn't get more than a fingertip on the figure. I had this huge pushy, wiggly, slobbery, jumping, shoving mass to deal with. And that was HIS toy, as far as he was concerned. After a few minutes of playing nice and increasingly beginning to fear for my life I finally got down to business and started yelling at the dog. He backed off a little and I grabbed hold of the plastic statue. Hollow and plastic, I lifted it easily into the air. But then the game was really on for Cuma. As soon as I picked it up he was on me. I had to survive right? Assert my dominance? I started hitting him with that statue for all I was worth. Wham! Smack! Take that, and that! I'll teach you to desecrate sacred things! Pow! Teach you to fear the Lord! Kapow! He was over in his belly in no time. I don't think I could hurt that dog in a million years. He admitted defeat with a look in his eye like, "geez, i was just playin!"

My heroic venture ended with Cuma happily chewing on some other toy and me in a fluster, half believing the dog had nearly eaten me, grasping a faded old figure of Joseph, not Jesus, from an old yard display of the nativity. Ah, the crazy moments of life.

Almost Ready

The coop just needs some paint and a door latch and the chickens can move in. At least they know where they are going to be living. It is still up in the air for us. Yes, we bought this house just over six months ago and have felt happy and at home since day one. Still, we may be moving to Portland to follow available work in Dillon's company. We are heading down for a visit this weekend. Dillon will have his final interview and we will check out the area. Nothing is set in stone yet. There are a couple of options that would allow us to stay here in Puyallup, close to family, and we could keep the chickens. Otherwise, Optimus Prime and Rock may be needing a new home. Such a bummer after all of Dillon's hard work. Doesn't the coop look great?

We've Got Chicks!

That's right folks. We are the happy owners of six adorable chicks as of yesterday afternoon. Now, who doesn't like a fluffy little chick, right? But honestly, a few minutes at the petting zoo and we are all ready to move on. However, knowing these little ladies are mine and that in a few sort months I will be eating the freshest of fresh eggs? Well, that makes them the most awesome, smartest, cutest little chicks I have ever seen. I am quite the determined urban farmer these days.

Pictured above are Optimus Prime, Eli, and Bumblebee. Despite the fact that these bits of fluff are guaranteed to be hens and not roosters, we do have two little boys doing the naming. Our third and fourth chicks are Wolverine and Rock. We have yet to decide on the last two. Any suggestions?

Dillon has been working hard on the chicken coop, in the dark and in the rain, most times. It is almost done and is a pretty fine bit of craftsmanship, if I may brag a little. I'll get some photos later. Thanks Dillon! (This is my mothers day gift from last year. I think he is covered for this year too, don't you?)

Fun With Party Hats

One of the great things about having kids around is that they don't know the rules or the script about how things are "supposed" to be. Isaac figured those party hats were more like a dinosaur costume. He wouldn't stop untill he was wearing them all.
This photo is from New Years Eve. We had our own little family party. All but the baby made it till midnight and it felt good ringing in the New Year together. Actually, even baby Eve got a quick new years kiss from us all at midnight. She looked about blearily and then went back to sleep.
Eli had a bit of a temper tantrum when I tried to make him go outside and look at the fireworks. "These fireworks are pretty and you WILL look at them and you WILL bang pots and pans and you WILL have fun even though it is FOUR HOURS past your bedtime." OK, so parents can be a little unreasonable sometimes. Ahhh, memories!

The Eugenio Family

This is a photo of our family on Dillon's side. It is such a wonderful group. Dillon's parents, who we call Lola and Papa, completely spoil us all. Can you believe that they take the boys almost once a week to spend the day with them and usually keep them overnight? And then when we come to get them, we eat a wonderful dinner. I have come to rely on that break from childcare and cooking. And of course the boys are showered with gifts and treats. Eli cannot leave Lola's house without a "goody bag." But most of all, they spend time with and love my kids. I think about the positive impact my grandparents have had on my life and I thank God that my children are likewise blessed. With Lola and Papa, Grandma and Grandpa Conway, Grandpa Burn and Grandma Carol, my kids are surrounded by love. This is why we moved back to Washington, so that we can enjoy the blessings of family.

Dillon also has four awesome brothers. Dowell is like a kid and baby magnet. I think he must have stumbled onto some kind of kid cologne, they just love him. Derrick is always up for a wrestling/tickle match. He is always ready to play and have fun. Drake is most famous for his cool gadgets. They boys can't get enough of his laughing and whistling ipod.

Of course we can't forget Rekha; I am so grateful for her. I love having her as a sister-in-law. She always has good tips for me and she always makes family a priority. She sets a great example. She and Drake have two boys. Alex is the oldest, at two and their baby Benjamin is only a couple of months old. I had the chance to hold him for an hour or so last week and he is the sweetest little chubby cheeked baby, even when he is cranky. His big brother Alex is a firecracker. He is independent and opinionated and he knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go for it. He is a lot of fun. Isaac and Alex are best buds these days, which is pretty impressive for two two-year-olds. They run around in circles, climb on the couches and make each other laugh and laugh.

Mimi took this photo for us (and added the cool border and text) at Eve's birthday party, which I will post more photos of later. Thank you Meem! And here is a photo of our family as an extra bonus.

Halloween Photos, Forever Keepsakes

We had five different Halloween events to attend this year. Our costumes went a long way. I did a lot of sewing but it was worth it for these photos alone.

Thanks again Mimi. Dillon says the shots with the boys and their guns are his favorite pictures ever taken of the them. We feel happy just looking at them.

What a Day (with a photo bonus)

We closed on our new house today. It is a strange feeling, a good feeling, but also a panicky one, for me. All that debt! Ahhh! Moving in will offset all of that. I can't wait. I can tell we are going to be very happy there and that is what makes owning a house feel so good. Crafting from a house, a home, traditions, values. What does our home purchase reflect about our values? A lot, I think. We have chosen a home with a yard made for exploring and rooms made for sharing. We will be close together when we are inside, with plenty of room to roam when we are outside. That just feel right.
( I am posting a few random photos from the other day but they have nothing to do with this post, by the way.)

I am excited to move into our new house but depressed thinking about moving our of my Mom's. I LOVE it here. I spent a couple decades trying to become independent of my parents. I've grown a little older, more sure of who I am. I don't have anything to prove anymore. As a result, I just bask in the comfortable feeling of being with my mom all day. She loves me, loves my kids, helps me in a million countless ways throughout the day. I have not been lonely once since I have lived here (full-time moms don't talk about it much but I think loneliness is one of the hardest things about being home with little ones.) As a result, I am less demanding on Dillon for him to immediately chip in when he walks through the door, nor do I have to unload on him, because my mom is a ready ear any time.

Not to mention the benefits for my little ones. I love sending the kids to play out back and never worrying once about someone snatching them away. I love that they help feed the chickens and pigs. I love that they have two extra people to hug and kiss at night. Thank you mom, thank you Dean for letting us into your home these short months.
Alas, I know that adult kids who hang around their parent's house aren't taking responsibility for their own lives. We need our own household. We need to rely upon each other more. I have to figure out a way to combat my own loneliness, laziness (there, I said it).

No, she is not crying a black tear, Isaac just got her with a marker a few minutes before. Ah well, it's part of the memory.

Yes, today was a big day. We signed on our house, but that is not all. A new cousin was born on Dillon's side. I can't wait to meet him. Congratulations on beautiful Benjamin. I'll post photos when I can. Also, my sweet sister Beth found out she is having her fourth girl! Such a sweet little family. Beth and Chris will do an awesome job with their girly bunch. Last, Mom's pigs were butchered today. An old friend came and cut up the meat right in the living room. Not life changing, but definitely memorable. My nephew Cameron took home an entire pig head as a souvenir, including the eyeballs. Whew, what a lot for one day huh?

I know that most of these photos are kinda somber. Eve is actually crying in hers. I could have posted one of her laughing but I don't want to forget any of her moods. I've never seen brown eyes that pierce like Isaac's do when he gives you that no quite glowering look. And Elijah. well I couldn't be more proud of that boy, the way he plays with and takes care of his bro and sis. I hope he knows that.

Pool Time!

What could I possibly say that would make these pictures better?

Someday he will thank me for taking this picture. Thank me... or maybe it's hate me, hmmm.

(I removed this photo because of all the rumors of sickos stealing bathtime photos off blogs and putting them on child porn sites. That just freaks me out.)

Tired Outlaw

Dress-up is so much more fun for boys. Any dad who reads that will probably cringe, especially Dillon, but hear me out. On any given day Eli and Isaac can choose to be knights, pirates, space men, builders, frogs, firemen, monkeys, and the latest addition to their wardrobe and prop collection: Cowboys. What do little the little girls dress up as? Princesses. Birthday Theme? Princesses. Halloween costume? Princesses. Yes, it's cute, very, very cute. But I think I will be encouraging the tom boy in little Eve. Thought I would throw this pic in, just for equal representation's sake. It ties in to my dress-up topic, though. That's Eli under the blue blanket, pretending he is a catapiller. Oh and i know, all of you with daughters are going to deny the princess domination, and yes I did exagerate. But really, not THAT much.

A Night Away

I dropped the kids off with relatives (thank-you Mom, John and Mimi!) Friday afternoon and met Dillon up is Seattle. It is a beautiful city when the sun is out. We stayed in a Hotel right on the waterfront just a half block form Pike Place market. Just walking through the city is fun enough for an afternoon. There are interesting shops around every corner and the people watching is quite splendid as well. We ate at the Rosebud which is a very romantic place with excellent food and service. It was the kind of place that serves smaller servings that look like works of art with bright colored sauces and unique vegetables. We loved it and it was affordable too! We saw Twilight Zone Live at Theater Schmeater which I highly recommend. (It's free to anyone under 18, by the way, though I wouldn't take anyone under 8). We visited Dillon's beautiful building which is almost done but completely empty of tenants. And just generally had a good time. There is a certain weightlessness to going about without the kids. Time with them is priceless but time away is, well i won't say it's freedom, because it sounds like having kids is bondage, which is NOT the case. Being without the kids allows for spontaneity, traveling light, moving around more easily, concentrating on one thing at a time, I'm sure most of you know what I mean. Anyway, we had a great time. it's so nice to have so many wonderful things to do right outside the door. Washington is a wonderful place.

**Sap Alert** (Kind of like a spoiler alert only this alerts you to the gushy goo about my husband that follows)

The reason for our little escapade was our Anniversary, which falls on Monday. We will have been married for seven years. I have to write a sentence or two about my love for my husband. I truly am his biggest fan. In my eyes, he has the perfect mix of strengths and weaknesses, hopes for the future and respect for the past. He is ambitious and works hard, but always keeps what's most important closest to his heart. Most of all, he loves me unconditionally, for who I am. Under our picture in our Senior yearbook it says, "the one I was meant to be with, if only for a little while." We put that there, knowing that we were too young to commit to anything more than a high school romance. Knowing that although our love was sincere and real, even at that young age, the timing is just as important as every other element in a relationship. I am so grateful that we grew closer together as we continued to grow up. Things haven't changed. The more time passes, the more intertwined we become, the more our love matures and deepens. I am so blessed and so grateful that our "little while" turned into eternity.

Zeus and a Lawn Chair

Another mix of humor and horror today.

I stood on my front lawn watching our greyhound Zeus doing 40mph down the street hauling our aluminium pink, green, and purple striped lawn chair behind him. And for a second, I just had to admire the comic beauty of the scene. A greyhound at full speed is something to see. Like watching destiny fulfilled, purpose accomplished, raison d'être in motion. The moment was tainted though, because I felt pretty certain I was never going to see him again.

Our greyhound, adopted from the track at 2 years old, was probably yanked from competition the first race he ran. He just isn't that into chasing things, especially not a fake bunny attached to a rail. But set a relentless, near weightless, swinging, scraping, lawn chair after him and boy, he could have been a winner!

When I had finally wrangled all three kids in the car Zeus was long gone. Eve was hollering because when I scooped her up I had already entered panic mode and the toy she was holding slammed into her face. She got no sympathy from me, though, I was imagining Zeus a mangled mess on the road. Eli was loudly pestering me to open his mini-bag of Doritos before I got him buckled. "Eli," I said, "this is kind of an emergency!" But that just got him going on about calling the firemen and bringing the fire trucks. I shushed him as only a stressed-out Mom can but of course I had to go into a detailed explanation of the kinds of things we can and can not call the firemen for, before he was satisfied. I suppose this may have been an important distraction from my excellent imagination coming up with an assortment of horrific ending to this escapade. Isaac, meanwhile, was a perfect angel. I think he must have been quite entertained, himself.

Well, I don't know if the Jehovah Witnesses can save souls but I do owe them the life of my dog. A car full of missionaries out spreading the Word warned me which way he went and then ended up tracking him down and bringing him in. It turns out, he ran out of gas in somebody's yard only a couple of streets away. He's got the endurance of a lap dog after all.

Needless to say I won't be tying Zeus up to a lawn chair ever again. Or maybe I'll just make it a heavier one...

Notice Zeus, sneaky dog that he is, always manages to get some body part onto the baby's blanket, even if it is just a nose and a toe. It's just so comfy!

Febrile seizure

I don't care how harmless a febrile seizure is, it has to be one of the scariest things for a parent to witness. It's indescribable the terror of seeing your little one phase out of reach mentally, twitch and groan and roll his eyes.

Our two-year-old, Isaac, had a fever-induced, or febrile seizure late Friday night. We prayed aloud desperately, called 911, and did everything we could to bring him back. Dillon had him in the bathtub but I had to leave the room to stand on the lawn waiting for emergency response people, I just couldn't stand seeing Isaac like that and so helpless to do anything. Things played out in slow motion. The firemen came and checked him out, gave us a few tips, and told us not to worry. They were right. After a near sleepless night of us watching over him, he awoke the next morning perfectly normal. He never did have any other symptoms.

For you parent out there, here are a few tips that the firemen gave me for when your child has a high fever and goes into convulsions (2-4% of children):

Motrin works more quickly than Tylenol so use that first and then alternate between Motrin and Tylenol every two hours.

If you start with Tylenol you can double the first dose.

Instead of immersing the kid in water, us a spray bottle and spray them down. It is the evaporation that cools them and immersion in a bathtub prevents that.

After they cool down and are wet, prevent them from shivering because that will cause their body heat to shoot back up again. Get a dry towel and hold them close to your body.

I am not a medical professional, so use these at your own risk and discretion. everybody has to use disclaimers to cover their patooties these days!

I felt like laughing... but mostly I felt like crying.

I prayed for some quiet. Isaac was sleeping, Eve had barely stopped fussing in her crib, I knew I had an hour tops before one or both of them woke up. I set Eli up with some games on pbskids.org, locked the front door and went to lay down in my room. I could hear Eli's chair squeaking on the laminate floor as he shifted in his seat so I turned the fan on and put my head under my pillow. The clock was ticking and I needed a nap.

It was only 35 minutes later that I was rattled awake by Eli banging around in his bedroom, where Isaac should have been sleeping. I drug myself out of bed and trudged into his room to preparing a nice little lecture about waking mommy up. Isaac looked a little bleary eyed himself and picked him up out of bed for a snuggle. But where had Eli gotten off to? He had suddenly disappeared. Out in the living room I immediately noticed the front door wide open. My heart started beating a little faster and I stepped onto the stoop and looked toward the street.

Now here is the moment when my world reworked itself in a matter of minutes. How often can we pinpoint the moments when growing up occurs? How often can we say, in the moment, that what is happening is the beginning of a new era? Most of the time we just stumble along scratching our heads bemoaning how quickly our kids are growing. But this time I saw it happening.

Eli was out in the road, coming around behind an ice cream truck, giving the ice cream man a casual wave with his free hand, his other clutching two firecracker pop sickles. The road is far enough away from my front door that I could barely hear the 300 pound ice cream man in his little three wheeled cart say, "See you later," over his shoulder as he pulled away. I think I literally went into shock. I stood and watched Eli come toward me. I don't remember what I said to him. I know I didn't yell or even get angry. I do remember what Eli said to me. I had sat down on the front step and put my forehead in my hands. It was quiet for minute. "I'm sorry." he said. At least he knew he had done something wrong. Then Eli pointed out that he didn't get hit by a car, that the ice cream man wasn't' a stranger, he was just the ice cream man, and that if someone did take him away, they would bring him back later. "I will always come back, Mama," he said. I could hardly stand it.

Eli told me later that he ran outside when he heard the music from the truck and had told the ice cream man to, "Wait just a minute." He ran back inside and into his room where his little bother was sleeping. He took the plug out of the bottom the the ceramic car bank he and Isaac share and shook, jostled and pounded all the money out onto the floor. That is when I woke up. (And Isaac too) By the time I trudged to the front door, It was all over. I still don't know how much he gave that man. I am pretty sure he was either swindled by an cynical, jaded, fat man with crushed dreams, or granted a screaming deal by a sweet soul who loves children and couldn't say no to the poor little shoeless kid who's parents are nowhere in sight.... "How much money did you give him," I asked. "four", he said The ice cream man gave him a nickle back.

I sat outside with my two boys sharing the pop sickles that had brought such a poignant yet elusive shift to my world. I guess the bottom line is that Eli doesn't need me anymore the way I thought he did. Yes, I will be there to make sure that he doesn't get run over, that he doesn't get snatched by a stranger. But he doesn't need me to explain to him that we have to trade money for ice cream, he doesn't need me to flag down the ice cream man down, or ask him politely to wait a minute while he gets his money. He doesn't need me to help him pick our what he wants or explain to him that he only has enough money for this or that. He doesn't need me to remind him to think about his little brother. He is all ready walking out my door. And you have to know what I mean by that.

Big News

I haven't posted in a while. Lots of things have happened. Isaac turned two, Eve rolled over and got her first two teeth (two separate events), and Eli turned four, today actually. Dillon has been working long long hours finishing his project. I spent a luxurious weekend at Sunriver with my mom and sisters, and more more more. But the craziest thing of all is that we put on offer in on a house and it was accepted! If all goes well we will be neighbors to my brother John and Mimi and their little kiddos Jensen, Ellie, and Mia! That's right! Next door neighbors! I am trying not to get too excited, just in case the deal doesn't work out, and also because I am getting attached to this dinky little duplex. And maybe, just maybe, the older I get, the more I fear change. I sincerely love my simple, low frills life. Not that the new house has a ton of frills, it's a pretty humble place really, but the back yard is awesome and the neighbors rock.

Oh and here's just a funny photo of the boys saying good morning to Eve the other day. They love to jump into her crib to play with her.