Crazy Moments

I was sitting with my in-laws the other day having a nice conversation about this and that when I happened to look out their window into the backyard. I laughed to myself about the general chaos that a puppy can create when set loose on the most unlikely of targets. Dillon's brother Derrick keeps his 100 pound Mastiff puppy back there. This particular puppy, Cuma, is extremely efficient in this adolescent destruction. I couldn't identify most of the things he had descended upon. Just little bits of garbage spaced evenly throughout the yard, like a carefully peppered steak. Ah, puppies. Then I realized, there he was, right in front of the window, he had another victim in his grasp. A white container of some sort? "What is that he's got?" I asked.

"Oh, just some statue," Dillon's Dad replied. I looked closer. Sure enough, Cuma had a hold of a statue of Christ. (Dillon's parents are Catholic and so you are much more likely to find statues of different saints and holy people in their home and yard then the typical Christian household.)

"Oh, that's just wrong," I said, but just sat there and watched. Pretty soon he is getting really excited. Now Cuma is a male dog. Need I say more?

"That's it," I said, getting up, "there has to be a limit." Some things just have to remain sacred. So I had a mission, rescue Christ from the loving embrace of a huge ball of pure muscle. I headed outside and quickly realized easier said than done. This particular bread of Mastiff quite dominate and I couldn't get more than a fingertip on the figure. I had this huge pushy, wiggly, slobbery, jumping, shoving mass to deal with. And that was HIS toy, as far as he was concerned. After a few minutes of playing nice and increasingly beginning to fear for my life I finally got down to business and started yelling at the dog. He backed off a little and I grabbed hold of the plastic statue. Hollow and plastic, I lifted it easily into the air. But then the game was really on for Cuma. As soon as I picked it up he was on me. I had to survive right? Assert my dominance? I started hitting him with that statue for all I was worth. Wham! Smack! Take that, and that! I'll teach you to desecrate sacred things! Pow! Teach you to fear the Lord! Kapow! He was over in his belly in no time. I don't think I could hurt that dog in a million years. He admitted defeat with a look in his eye like, "geez, i was just playin!"

My heroic venture ended with Cuma happily chewing on some other toy and me in a fluster, half believing the dog had nearly eaten me, grasping a faded old figure of Joseph, not Jesus, from an old yard display of the nativity. Ah, the crazy moments of life.