Most of my friends and family are aware that I am studying the idea of home school as an education for my children, a lifestyle for our family, and a career choice for myself. I want to post a little of my thought process so far, for those who are curious, and for those who may have some insight for me. The decision making process, of course, started with facing public school for my kindergartener this fall and a consideration of all the options. Turns out there are really three options: public, private, and home school. (Private school was pretty quickly ruled out because of cost and the number of kids we have.) That leaves public and home school as our options and I must admit, I get a little nervous thinking about either of them.
There are many many problems with public school. I could probably go on and on about them, taking from my experiences as a student and as a seventh grade teacher: Large classrooms where teachers are forced to teach to the middle, leaving some kids in the dust, and others bored. Grades that are arbitrary and mean nothing, teachers that are allowed to teach year after year, who, simply put, just shouldn’t teach, wasted time (didn’t we all feel that), the teaching of skewed values, the group think that evolves, etc. However I think that going into these reasons is unproductive. These are the reasons that I initially looked into home school. If I didn’t find something in home school of potential worth to me and my family, the case would have been closed, discussion over. But that has not been the case. I also don’t want to make public schooled families feel like they have to defend their choice. They certainly do not! My choosing home school would not be a condemnation of anyone who chooses otherwise. Who can know what is right for families but families themselves?
In truth, it was the idea of a different kind of family life that first excited me. As it is, Dillon and I keep our evening schedules as open as possible and make family time a priority. Unstructured family time. But our kids aren’t in school yet. With kids attending public school I imagine a typical school and work day unsatisfying and unsustainable for us. I expect kids to come home from school, and then head off to whatever extracurricular or church activity is planned. Cram homework in, and dinner and all that’s left is bed time. What’s wrong with that? You might ask. Nothing, but Dillon and I are unhappy with a family life that is too full of things, even good things. We don’t do well with rushing or being overscheduled, left without any time for just being together. Home school kids can get all their education and activities done with plenty of time to spare for spontaneous activities. Ideally home school will be a couple of hours a day year round. Awesome! The modern lifestyle is a rushed and harried one. I recently read a great book by Lisa Rivero called the Home School Option: How to Decide When it’s Right for Your Family. In it she said, time is a “unique benefit of homeschooling…. Time to work slowly, time to think, time to focus on a single idea rather than multi-tasking, time for self-knowledge and reflection, time to question the world and wait for the answers” (Rivero) All of these things seem wonderful to me.
The flip side of the time issue is the sacrifice I will personally have to make to teach my kids. However, I will already be spending hours a day helping kids with homework as well as reeducating them on things I rather they didn’t learn at school (hallway sex Ed, for example). I will also NOT enjoy taking all of my kids to the grocery store every time. In addition, I worry about my own goals of getting a masters and writing fiction but realized I can accomplish my goals right alongside my kids, and be a great example to them in the process. Perhaps this could even be a great stepping stone to one of my ultimate long-term goals: starting a private or charter school.
Socialization is a home school can of worms and it seems to be a thorn in the side of homeschoolers. Homeschoolers insist that critics are beating a dead horse but the stereotypes persist. (Ok I have to laugh at all the clichés, but I just can’t take them out.) Just this week I heard a teenager say, “I just met a really hot guy but he is home schooled so there is potential for some social awkwardness there, we’ll have to see how it goes.” This is just the reality of how home school kids are perceived. However, I find it hard to believe that public school really prepares kids for the world. I echo an idea in Rivero’s book when I say that the public school teaches kids to fit in and be popular. Are these really important life skills? There is a difference between learning to live in society and being socialized. I am not interested in my kids learning how to conform to the ideas of the group before they decide for themselves. Don’t we all breathe a little sigh of relief when we leave high school and realize how much room there is in society for people of all kinds? Perhaps home schoolers are a little odd! Their quirks and oddities could be indications of self directed minds (Rivero). I agree with Rivero that we should focus on accepting ourselves, not on being accepted by others and that will lay the foundation for true friendships. It seems that at public school education takes a back seat to what clothes you wear and who you talk to at recess or during breaks. But here I am talking about the ills of public school, when I said I wouldn’t! If I choose home school, I would plan for my children to be out of the house every day interacting with kids and adults of all ages. As I have researched, I have realized that homeschool does not mean never-leave-the-house school. I will teach the core knowledge at home but I would require music, sports, volunteer work, as they got older, as well as home-school co-ops and any other opportunity that came our way. Home school kids can also go to public school for band, choir, sports, and other fine arts. There are so many possibilities. Perhaps instead of home school it could be called community education (Rivero).
One of my favorite things about home school is that there are no grades, no competition and thus, no labels. I want my kids to be self directed. I would like them to study an idea for its own sake, not as a means to a standardized test (Rivero). I, myself, am pretty conditioned to work for the grade and follow instructions. It is hard for me to accomplish things without someone setting a deadline for me. I want my kids to have ownership. No us against them mentality. There will be no need to “work the system” if the are in charge of the system. Kids at home can really go at their own speed and not be judged for it. I wonder how many people hate reading as adults because they were in the slow group in first grade. I want my kids to have the confidence to be real individuals. I also want them to retain their childhood for as long as they desire. I find it an odd phenomenon that kids grow up too fast, knowing about and dealing with adult problems, and yet they remain stuck in adolescence into their twenties. I think home school can combat that.
I have thought a great deal about student directed learning and wondered how kids will learn what they need to learn without adults to show them. I have worried about kids not being exposed that passionate teacher who can light a fire if interest in something they have never thought of before. Still, those teachers are teaching what they love, students learn on a borrowed flame. What if students could learn what they wanted to learn? When I was a teacher, I taught the books and kinds of writing that I liked. My students had to conform. What if their fire came from within?
Oddly enough, I also believe that kids should have to do thing they don’t want to do. However, we can’t force kids to do anything. If we want do be successful in life, we have to be able to make ourselves do unpleasant things. I don’t want to change four dirty diapers a day but I do it. I do it because I love my kids and because I have a long term goal making sure they are happy and healthy. I think that kids will do math they don’t like in order pursue an ultimate goal of being a scientist, for example, if we carefully help them see the big picture. One on one, we can help our kids find out who they want to be and where they want to go, then guide our kids towards their goals, even through the subjects they detest. Teachers do not have this luxury. How many of us were unable to see the big picture when we were kids? We had no buy in and resisted learning subjects we saw no purpose in. “Why do I ever want to learn this if I am never going to use it?” I think home school is especially contusive to student buy in and ownership because parents can help their kids see all things as stepping stones to greater goals.
One of the reasons I hesitate to choose home school, lets be honest, is discomfort with going against the social grain. I don’t wan to be labeled and judged. Sometimes I think that choosing a natural birth with a midwife was the end of my normalcy. I wonder why home birthers are often anti-immunization, home schoolers, who eat only organic whole grains (I am kidding a little). But once you choose to question an institution as big as American hospitals and birthing practices, nothing is safe, If hospitals aren’t the always the best place to have a baby, then why would public schools always be the best place to educate them. So I take you on a bit of a tour through my thoughts. Honestly, I would choose home school right now if it weren’t for these few persistent fears. Fear of social discomfort, fear that my kids will be bored stiff, or worse, damaged somehow, fear that I won’t be able to juggle it all and be happy, fear of disappointing others. At some point I will make a decision. If I choose home school, I know that my reasons for home schooling would be different from almost any other family’s reasons. And that’s the wonderful thing about making choices for our families; we have to right to make our choices even if the only reason is that “it feels right.”
So now you have had a tour of my thought process. If you have lasted this long, thanks for joining me. I do this for myself more than any other reason, to organize my thoughts and continue towards a decision.
12 comments:
Wow. That is a big bunch of awesome information! You are going to have to sell your soul to put your kids in public school, you know that right? All those positives can't possibly be outweighed by the fear of going against the social grain. Lol. I think you'd be surprised at the response from random people in public. I am often in public places with a child who is obviously school-age. People constantly ask questions about her grade, and does she like school, etc. This always leads to her saying, "I'm home schooled." Just last week, we were shopping on Main in Sumner at all the cute shops. It was early afternoon, and the home school revelation happened twice. First person, an elderly man with a grandchild Ruby's same grade. He didn't hesitate to say, "good for you!" Then he had some explanation about how sending your child to public school is like hiring someone to build your house and then doing the building yourself. I was puzzled, but I think I get his drift now. Lol. The other person was equally pleased, a mother with children in public school who said, "I wish I could do that."
I just think that times are changing and the mainstream is starting to question it's course. It's so exciting!
You will be shocked how organic the learning is. Alice read a book this week and that all came from asking me "mom, how do you spell..." enough times that she learned to recognize all her letters, and learned their sounds. It just occurred to me randomly that she probably could read. Sure enough!
I am in constant process of learning about what I'm doing. I go only in one direction during the process...more convinced of what I'm doing and more confident in the process and the outcomes and less fearful of the things you fear.
For me, it was a big experiment. I just decided that kindergarten couldn't possibly be messed up. I told myself that if I could get Ruby reading that year, I'd consider it a success. So once I did that, I bit off first grade. I told myself that I was going to do all this formal curriculum in five subjects everyday. I stuck to that for three of the five subjects...but made way for child led learning in the other two. I also learned that if a lesson wanted Ruby to write a story about something that wasn't interesting to her, I could beg and plead and force her to do it, or just ask her what she wants to write about and let her be thrilled with writing and not hating it. I'm just learning a lot. That's all. It's probably never going to be rote or routine, because it is always teaching me something and every kid is different. I'll probably have to start over again wtih Bee because she will be so much younger than Alice, whereas Alice is just naturally on Ruby's heels. To be continued, there's a 4096 character limit.
Anyway, if you ever want to know what you are going to do, I can tell you. Lol. Not saying that to be bossy, I just didn't see much in your post that made me think you were really on the fence, lady.
I really hope to have you as one of my partners in crime. I'm normal! My kids are awesome! Oh...and they are different, and I hear it constantly. They go on playdates and I'm told that they need to come over more often, because the children they played with don't really know how to pretend, and they had so much fun pretending with my girls. Or when Ruby went to a birthday party last week and when the mom gave her a party favor, she said, "I'll take this home and give it to my sister." The mom was SHOCKED and gave her two. Then she proceeded to evenly split her Chuck E Cheese tickets in half and buy she and Alice each equal amounts of things. I wasn't there, no one was asking it of her, but her sis is her bff and she was aware that she didn't get invited to the party. Etc. These are just two examples from literally this month...but after only almost finishing first grade, Ruby is definitely different than her peers. I adore her peers, but don't love that they are scared to wear coats to school because they'll look fat, or they have to have a certain brand shoes on the second day of school (kindergarten, no joke) because they learned on their first day of school that Sketchers were a must.
I could go on and on. Anyway, I love that this was an option for my family and that it was the right decision for us. It isn't for everyone, but glad it is for me!!!
I just wanted to mention that a choice to homeschool now doesn't mean that you can't re-evaluate in a year or two or three and decide that a different option works better for you at that time.
I think what really recommends homeschooling is that it will be what you make of it. There is flexibility there that can't be available in a public education environment. Public schools, I think are inherintly inflexible. There's no efficient way to customize education for the masses.
Anyway, I think the fear that either you or your children may not "fit in" is really an argument in favor of homeschooling. The whole point of doing something different is that the norm doesn't work for you. You're choosing something better for you. It puts me inm
mind of a quote I recently saw from Eleanor roosevelt "Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."
My oldest is only 2 and I already find myself troubled about sending him off to school to be "educated." The moment of truth is still a couple years away for me, but I am seriously considering homeschooling for my kids as well.
I hope my I'm-up-nursing-at-5:30-in-the-morning ramblings are coherent.
My brother and I were home-schooled, Anne, and I would be happy to share thoughts if you're ever wondering! I would say that our home-schooling was for my mom (yes, the natural, organic, granola type, but then again so am I!), rather than for us. I loved my public school education and I feel like it served me very well. Home school was very difficult for my brother and I. However, your comments regarding the different type of lifestyle, the extra time in your day, etc. are all very true, and I know that my mom really enjoyed that aspect.
You have done such a great job laying out a portrait of homeschooling that I know you have your bases covered in that area. But I do want to add one thing about public school - I wonder what public school would be like if parents like you who thought through things, cared deeply for their kids and for others, and could otherwise provide such a positive influence on our important public schooling system were involved. As it is, lots of these parents are involved with their homeschooled kids or private school kids. It would be an interesting experiment.
I know you'll make the right decision and like others have said- you can always switch later down the road! Love you and miss you!! xoxo Brook
I've had a lot of similar thoughts. In the end, I decided that I wouldn't be the greatest main scholastic teacher for my kids. I knew that I personally couldn't handle teaching school on top of all my other responsibilities. But my oldest, who is enjoying his last day of Kindergarten today, has loved the public schools. And yes, there were times when he told me he was bored, but that's when I can supplement and give him extra work to do and stuff to read at home. I plan on keeping his mind "working" throughout the summer too. But I think homeschool is a great option if you can do it and it's right for you. Can't wait to find out what you decide.
Wahoo!! I love it! Anne, you are amazing. Your thoughts are so well balanced and put together, it was a joy to read your take on homeschooling! I agree with everything you said. I especially liked the idea of having more family time in the evening instead of homework time. What a journey for you and the kids!
As intuitive as you are, I have no doubts that you would be incredible at homeschooling.
Good luck with the decision.
To Rebecca, one of the reasons I feel I could do home school is because of you and other home school families I can learn from. I have no personal experience to pull! So yes, I will take all of the tips and encouragement I can get. I know I don't seem on the fence, and I supposed I'm not, but there are a few things I still have to get straight in my mind. I'll probably blog about it in the next couple of days.
Amanda-I plan on reevaluating every year and doing whats best for each kid at that time. It does take some pressure off. It's not a forever decision, like having the kid in the first place. Also, homeschool is what you make of it! All the responsibility! Freaks me out a bit, ha! And I do feel a little pride that I would be choosing something different from the norm.
Brook- I just looked up your phone number and I am totally gonna call you so we can chat. You know my Mom raised hell with the schools but I don't think it made any lasting difference. But you articulate an important consideration. Some think home school us downright undemocratic.
Angela, I am so glad you made the right choice for your little one and that he is lovin it! Really, I think my little guy would love it too. He seems made for the classroom.
Haley and Cami, thanks for the props. Love you guys,
The idea of doing an expirimental year was what made me decide I could do it. The non-committal aspect of it really helped me bite off one year, and now another. Now when people ask me if I plan to do it forever, I say "yes." That is, as long as my kids allow me to. Ruby has no desire to go to public school (which surprises me) because two of her friends are tortured everyday by going and they cry and beg their moms to keep them home. That has kind of solidified her happiness with the home thing. Thank goodness! It was sad that first day of school when we were staying home and she wasn't headed off in her cutest clothes with her mom's nervous heart a fluttering. That day blows, because I LOVED public school!
I'm SO impressed that you could get all these thoughts out! My thoughts are all jumbled around in my head and anytime someone asks me why I'm going to homeschool, I just say, "because I want to," and that has to be good enough for them because my brain is too taxed with others things to formulate an explanation. Maybe I'll just copy and paste yours and pretend it's mine. ;)
I'm with you though- if I lived somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and didn't have any examples to look to for this, I'd be scared out of my mind and the decision would have been much harder. I am so looking forward to this journey with those of us around here!
My thoughts about your thoughts...
I think you are freaking yourself out about school. My kids have hardly ever had any homework. They don't get asigned hardly anything at all and haven't since they started. Through different schools and all. Elementary kids just don't get a lot of homework.
In our family we do very few extraculricular activities. Right now Chase is in scouts and that is it. So my kids get home from school, we talk about their day, we have a snack and off they go to play until dinner and then we have more time afterwards. The only reason you would see your family time dissapear is if you had your kids Super involved in other stuff.
In the Puyallup school district if you have a kid that is accelerated there is an avenue for them. Chase is on that path and is very happy. Emily on the other hand has always struggled. I thought I could fix all the problems. After all I am an educated teacher with a bit of experience. No such luck. What a blessing this year to finally have a teacher that has pulled her out of the trench she was in. If I was homeschooling she and I would still be super frustrated with each other and she wouldn't be getting ANYWHERE!
As far as being afraid to go against the grain. Lady homeschooling is the IN thing to do right now. I am not saying people do it to be hip but Moms are homeschooling by the...well whatever. Four of my friends started home schooling last year and the newspaper did an article about the stagarring number of families that have pulled their kids out of the public school lastyear. So you have no need to worry.
Another thing...yes kids learn things they shouldn't in school. But if you are on top of what they learn, who there friends are it can become a learning experience. You can not shelter your kids from the world. You have to teach your children to be the light of the world. To love others for who they are, to stare bullies in the face (our issue), to chose from the crowd good friends, to shun the bad things of life and embrace the good, to be leaders and to conquer their fears. My personal opinion here (not disrespecting any homeschoolers...like I said most of my friends do) you can not achieve those things through homeschool. Here's why...
You homeschool and then find oppurtunities for your kids to have that social interaction (which means...by by family time as you have to get them involved with stuff so they can be out socializing), then you are chosing their friends. Naturally you will choose good friends and put them in good situations. They will never have to face a bully, they will never learn to make friends that will bring them up instead of down. You are constanlty leading their lives.
Sure we all have a stinky teacher in our school past. But hopefully our parents were there to suppliment and see us through the rut. What will you do when you are super awesome at home school and your kids are a sponge and you have a 6th grader who is doing serious algebra. Chase is so far advanced in math that neither Dave or I can answer his questions sometime. I couldn't have brought him there. And then say you can and your kiddos are brilliant. What path will they take when they are 16 and have finished the high school curriculum (becuase it is easy and they surely will). Will they start at the community college? How will they find friends when they are 16 and everyone else is 18. Who will they date? Becuase all they will know is ward friends and personal friends of the family.
Anyway...I know you have gotten lots of great feedback in the homeschool direction. Consider me the devil on the other shoulder. I know people gush about homeschool. Personally I hate it. So...just some stuff to consider looking from the other angle. This message will self destruct in 3 seconds. I wish because I just opened MY GREAT BIG MOUTH!
Your thought process is great. I wish I would have thought a little more about these things although when my children first started school I did not have a choice due to needing to work to support my family. I am not sure even as patient as I am that I could be a good teacher for my kids when they start to get older and feel I would get frustrated easily. I would hate to not teach my children correctly and give them the things that they needed in order to love learning and not want to get it over with so we can play. I know you will make the right decision for you and your family and either way you go you will do well because you are involved with your kids and will be able to educate them at home or help them in school. You are awesome!
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