Luke's Birth

(There are lots of errors,  Ill have to fix them later when I have some time)

Luke was born one week ago and I have spent this week loving him, resting, and pondering on the experience of giving birth.  Bringing a baby into the world is so raw and real it seems the whole world should pause and take notice.  Hey world, pay attention, don't you realize what just happened over here?  What my body just accomplished?  That there is an entirely new human being resting in the crook of my arm?  Don't you all want to hear how it happened, the details, the nuances and emotions and sensations?  What is there in life that is more than this?  And yet it is all so personal and private.  Do we make our sacred moments common my sharing them with others, do we make each other squirm to face flesh and blood, body and spirit so fundamentally, so pure?  Or worse than that, do we judge and compare?  I share my experience in thoughts and photos because I want to share some joy and beauty, no other reason.  So, read on if your in the mood for it, but be aware you'll see a pregnant belly and a newborn covered in goo.  Just had to provide fair warning!

The day started of with a huge blessing: Dillon slept in! He missed is alarm clock and thus his train to work.  We both woke up at 8:00 and I turned to him and said, "I think maybe you had better not go into work at all today."  The contractions I had had all week suddenly felt very different, though not exactly painful.  There was pressure on my pelvic floor that hadn't been there before.   We dropped off the kids at Dillon's parents house and headed over to see my midwife, Susan, at noon at her home office in Graham.  I was already dilated to a 7!  But labor was slow and sluggish and even stopped while I was in her office.  The contractions were 15 minutes apart and mild, as far as pain goes.  My body was sending conflicting messages.  Labor seemed to be saying, "relax, we'll be doing this all weekend," but my body was saying, "girl, if you don't pay attention, your water is gonna break and you'll be delivering your baby in you living room with no one but your three little kids to attend you."  We decided we would pay attention to my body and head to the birthing center.  First, though, we headed home.  Since labor stopped when I laid down I wanted to take a nap and Dillon was insistent on cleaning the house before the baby came.  He nested and I rested.   I also spent time praying and pondering what I was about to experience.  I felt afraid and asked myself and God what I could do to calm my fears.  I was reminded of the story of Jesus and his disciples on the stormy seas.  Jesus rested in the bottom of the boat while his friends were terrified, sure they were about to die. When Christ awoke and calmed the wind and waves, he rebuked the disciples and their lack of faith.  Going into what I knew would be an intense and harrowing, I was reminded that God is in charge.  I felt trust in him and in the body that he created for me, and in the baby that was inside my womb.  This is God's plan, after all.  I felt ready.

After a half hour of walking around the mall looking for baby hats and booties to keep our little one warm, labor started up again and this time it wasn't so hard to diagnose.  Contractions were closer and closer together, making me stop and breathe deeply.  We were soon on our way to The Birthing Inn in Tacoma where my midwife awaited me.  We arrived just after 5:00 and were soon joined by my mom and Mimi, who wielded the camera.  This first photo of me and Dillon shows him kicking back,eating a snack on the edge of the birthing tub.  In reality, he couldn't have been more involved and supportive.  He didn't need to do much, really, just knowing he was close by, that he loved me, and that he absolutely believed in me.  His quiet and sure confidence lifted me up.

I was surrounded by people I love and who love me in a beautiful place, watched over by my midwife, a woman who I deeply respect and trust as she uses her intuition as well as her training and experience.  I was ready.   I wandered around the Birthing Center (it was empty except for us) as everyone else bustled about getting ready for what everyone felt would be a quick delivery.  Susan preparing the room, Dillon ate a quick Taco Bell dinner, Mimi took some practice shots and replaced batteries, Mom started writing down contractions.  Everyone was in a flurry, it seemed and I walked calmly around my room and through the lobby, preferring to stand up during contractions.  I was entering that birthing place in my mind where everything falls away and all I care about is what is happening within my body.  After four babies, I am a little more familiar with that place, and it wasn't as scary this time.  It seems I was scared my entire pregnancy for this moment and when it was finally arriving, I welcomed it without fear.  I stayed in the moment.  Careful to enjoy each break between contractions, and focus on the feeling and weight of each contraction as it happened.  Leaving it behind me as it ended, not worrying about the next one, and definitely not thinking too hard about the fact that I had to push my baby out!  It seemed so impossible and intimidating, I could feel the fear creeping in if I thought about it too much. 

    

At 8:00 I was dilated to a 9, but still not contracting hard enough to bring the baby down.  I was in the birth tub and Susan suggested I try bearing down during a contraction to see if a little pressure would do the trick.  I pushed tentatively at first, afraid of how it would feel, what it would do.  I gained confidence with each contraction and my body gained momentum, helping me along.  Each time I pushed a little harder.  This was so different from my other births.  With the last two, pushing was something I couldn't have avoided if my life depended on it.  My body took over.  This seemed like more of a team effort, body and mind.  Susan suggested a shift in position, Dillon was in front of my encouraging and supporting.  A shift in my hips and my center of balance and suddenly I could feel the baby shift down into the birth canal.  One push later, my water broke with a force that startled me it seemed to shake the world. A moment passed, the contraction ended but I could feel the baby, ready to be born.  Susan reminded me to pause, to rest, to gather my strength,  I leaned back against Dillon, closed my eyes, and when the next contraction came I was ready. I pushed the baby's head out at the front of the contraction and the rest of the body followed at the end.  There he was submerged in the water, a blurry shape resting in my midwife's hands.  "Reach down and take your baby." She told me, and the sound of her voice brought me to action.  I took my baby in my arms. He was beautiful.

I held him in my arms and let the moment envelope me.  He took his first breaths calmly and sweetly, nestled into my chest like he was just settling in for a nap. Dillon held us both.
It was at this moment that we discovered out baby was in fact a boy!  I must admit a was surprised but never disappointed. I had an idea of a little girl created in my imagination, but this perfect baby moved in and took over.  He had a thick covering of vernix, the white covering that protects the baby's skin in the womb, but through that his pink healthy skin color showed through.  His hair, wet and curly, was lighter than the rest of our kid's hair had been.  He opened his steel grey eyes and blinked at us.  The most adorable thing we had ever seen.    His entire face was involved.  His brow and forehead scrunched down tighly to close his eyes and then pushed up like with what looked like all the effort he could muster.   We couldn't get enough.

After a moment, Susan has us dip him in the water a bit to get a good cry going, test out those lungs.  He wanted to nurse right away so as soon as I was out of the water and settled into bed we snuggled close and latched on like a pro, nursing for over an hour.  Again, activity swirled around me as the baby and I were examined and the room was tidied up.  But I was at peace with my baby, well taken care of with nothing to worry about.  We are so blessed to have little Luke in our lives, and for the wonderful experience his birth was.  It was like gift to me.  reminding me of my strength, power, and Independence, as well as the importance of security and love as we go to our most vulnerable places.

 

Dad and Carol made a quick visit that night and Mom and Mimi brought me an awesome pot roast dinner from Sheri's.  Everything tastes so good after laboring all day.  We spent the night at the Birthing Inn and Dillon's parents brought the kids for a visit the next morning. They were all so excited to see their new little brother.  A little tentative at first, Isaac was the first to give him a kiss, though only on his little toe. 

Eli couldn't wait to hold him and Eve kept shouting , "Baby, baby baby!"  It is a wonderful feeling, having your family all around you, and feeling in your heart that everyone is finally together, everyone has made it safely into our arms.  

We took Luke home later that day in his hand me down pink car seat.  We had a laugh and tucked him in, cozy as can be.  He slept the whole way home and we were soon tucked into bed napping together. All calm and cozy and exhausted.  I have tried to savor every moment with my little infant, knowing that things they change in the blink of an eye.  Trying to burn in my memory the sensation of his weight as he falls asleep on my chest, the way he melts against me, molding his body into the curves of mine.  The way he smells, the small sounds he makes, the smiles he gives in his sleep.  All are rare and precious.